


Never Let Me Go

by Jupiter_Jane



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Buckley-Diaz family, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Diaz Family Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Healing, M/M, Natural Disasters, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Reunions, Season 3, Therapy, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22708312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupiter_Jane/pseuds/Jupiter_Jane
Summary: ‘And all this devotion was rushing over me…’It's a thin line between life and death but when you're staring down the barrel of your own mortality and that of someone you love, life suddenly becomes crystal clear and there isn't enough damn time to make up for what you're about to lose.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 38
Kudos: 208





	1. Arms Of The Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome!  
> This story begins in Season 3 Episode 2 titled The Searchers. It will diverge from the main plot of season 3 for the majority of the story to suit the direction of this fic. Story and Chapter titles inspired by Florence and The Machine - Never Let Me Go. Hope you enjoy!

There are around a dozen if not more ways a person can die. Mortality is a concept more closely considered when you choose to put your life on the line daily. As a first responder, it's an idea you must become accustomed to in order to do the job. An inevitability you have to accept.  
Life is fragile and fleeting. Any day could very well be your last. It's different though, when you're a parent. Everything is just so much more. Life becomes magnified, and the idea of death is suddenly terrifying. 

It’s more then five minutes after it hits them when Buck finally breaches the surface. His body aches and he’s swallowed more water than air while being tossed around so his lungs are burning like a wildfire, but Buck counts himself lucky when his fingers curl around the strand of lights dangling overhead and it keeps him from going back under. Half a second of relief is washed away by a wave of panic and it’s so much worse than the literal wave that had nearly drowned him.

‘Christopher is gone.’

“CHRISTOPHER! CHRIS!” It’s a debilitating kind of panic that Buck has to fight off to remain above the water instead of letting it carry him away. His eyes are searching, frantically scanning the area around him for the yellow striped shirt he’d worn this morning. The water is rushing past at a steady rate and the wire on the lights is digging into the palm of his hand cutting at the skin but he holds tight anyway. 

When the wave was coming, running seemed like the only option. Hell, it was the only option. Fight or flight is a basic human instinct and despite having defied death on more than one occasion, fighting a tsunami wave was impossible and Buck certainly wasn’t about to bargain with Christopher’s life. Unfortunately, the pair of them had been too far down the pier that even running full speed they wouldn't have made it in time. It was also around that time that Buck had realized this and tucked Christopher behind the closest stand just in the knick of time. 

Now he was gone. 

“Buck! Buck!” He spots him at the same time the little boy’s shouts reach his ears. It’s faint over the sound of rushing water but he hears it all the same and Buck nearly sobbed with relief. He had to keep going, Christopher was alive and he needed to get to him. He had to get him back to Eddie. “CHRIS! STAY THERE! I’M COMING TO GET YOU!” 

Eddie was so going to kill him. 

“Just hold on Chris! Hang on!” His arms ache with each stroke. Chris is close but not close enough and the water is rushing fast. Buck is terrified he won’t reach him in time, Chris is strong but even Buck is having a hard time remaining upright against the force of the waves and if Christopher doesn’t make it Buck certainly wouldn’t be able to survive. If something happened to Christopher he certainly wouldn’t want to. No. No this wasn’t how their story was supposed to end. They had to survive this. There was so much that still needed to happen. Christopher has his whole life ahead of him still. Buck had so much he hadn’t gotten to do. Things he had to say to Eddie, lines Buck had been to much of a coward to cross at risk of ruining their friendship. “BUCK! I can’t hold on!” 

Christopher’s desperate wail brings him back to the present and he extends an arm lunging toward his boy but the water slams into him from behind and pushes him past Christopher. His fingers grasping at empty air. “CHRIS!” Buck screams when Chris goes under, terror filling his veins and a rush of images flashing before his eyes.

Christopher’s first time at the firehouse. A bright smile that lit up the room and every single one of their hearts. 

Eddie’s promotion from probationary member, Christopher climbing himself up onto Buck’s shoulder’s as the three of them posed for a photo per Tia Peppa’s request. 

Christopher’s card that was pinned to Buck’s fridge from the party that had gone to hell. 

Eddie’s grinning face as he sauntered out of Buck’s apartment with a wink just this morning. 

Christopher’s chocolate covered face after devouring a stack of pancakes. 

His happy grin just minutes before the first wave had hit.

“You’re gonna be okay kid.”

A floating tree branch slams into his side when he dives under but it barely registers and the second he sees a flash of yellow Buck reaches. Christopher’s tiny fists claw at his shoulders and when they break the surface both of them are sputtering but Buck holds him tight to his chest. No chance in hell was he letting him go ever again. “I got you. I got you buddy just hold on to me alright? Don’t let go.” 

Like a beacon calling him home, Buck spots the firetruck and knows exactly what they need to do. It feels like it’s been days since he’d spotted the 136 rolling up to the call on the pier. He’d watched them with jealousy, yearning to rejoin his own team and fulfill what he wholeheartedly believed to be his life’s purpose. Then Christopher was calling to him and the attendant was handing him a teddy bear as big as Chris and it's all such a blur now. 

The truck is partially submerged but close enough that he only dunks them both under water twice before he’s able to hoist Chris up and onto its roof. His hands are shaking, every breath a trembling wheeze that hurts his chest and the dark spots are dancing across his eyes tempting him to submit to the darkness. Christopher calls to him louder though, and with urgency that reminds him why he has to keep fighting. 

‘Christopher’

‘Eddie’

It’s difficult to remember a time when the two of them weren’t a part of his life. Sure he could recall Buck 1.0, as Hen and Chimney so kindly liked to refer to it, but he was a different person now. He’d changed - grown - and yeah Buck was struggling at the moment but he was a better man then he’d once been and a lot of that he owed to Eddie and Chris. So he was gonna fight. He’d fight like hell to get the two of them back together even if it killed him because a life without them in it wasn’t one he ever wanted to endure. 

Buck scratches and claws his way up to the roof collapsing in a heap beside Chris. The little boy is seated upright and pats Buck’s back softly. “You’re gonna be okay kid.” 

Even in the midst of a natural disaster, it’s hard not to smile when Christopher’s around. 

“Y-you alright Chris? Are you h-urt?” Christopher shakes his head side to side and his glasses slip down his nose. Buck pulls him into his arms and slides both of them back away from the edge. “We’re safe now. We’re safe here, I got ya.” When he was eighteen, the Navy had seemed like a brilliant plan. He was young, strong, and the Seals seemed like the perfect fit for him. The training had been hell on earth and Buck - though he hardly admitted to it - was more then relieved not to have passed. LAFD had been a better fit but all of it, the good, bad, and everything that had brought him to this point would be what helped them survive this so never again would he take this life for granted. 

His phone is long gone as are Christopher’s crutches and the bear he’d won. Realistically, even if his phone had remained in his pocket it would certainly be unusable from water damage so they needed another option. Chris was resting his head against Buck’s side catching his breath allowing Buck a moment to attempt to straighten his thoughts and formulate a plan. “Chris? I need to call someone to come help us but I’m gonna have to try to get inside the truck. Do you think you’ll be okay up here for just a sec?” God, this had bad idea written all over it and every fibre of his being didn’t want to let go of Christopher for a second but Buck knew they weren’t inland enough and no rescue boats would be coming this way for a while.  
“Are you gonna call dad?” Eddie. He’s such an idiot for not considering that sooner. It was a freaking tsunami! The 118 had to be responding. If he couldn’t get Eddie maybe he’d at least be able to reach Bobby. “You’re a smart kid Chris. Yeah, yeah I’m gonna try to reach your dad.” 

“I’ll be okay. I took surfing lessons!” Christopher declares proudly. Buck smiles, “Maybe you can teach me later. Here, hold onto this.” He secures Chris’s tiny hands around the metal of the frame furthest from the edges. “You don’t let go of this alright? Promise me?” Chris bobs his head in agreement and Buck takes a breath before beginning his descent. 

The water has slowed some but clumps of debri are floating past and some items collide with his body hard enough to bruise. He fiddles with compartments on the side of the truck recalling the places certain things on the 118 were stored. Most were standard, only a few Bobby had personalized to his own preferences so it took some fiddling on the 136 to find what he was searching for and where they kept it. 

When he finds the supply box he exhales in relief and works to lug it back on the roof of the truck. 

“Chris-Christopher I got it! I got the box.” Buck climbs back onto the truck and Christopher is in the same spot as promised with a happy smile on his face praising their victory. “Is that gonna call daddy?” 

Before he answers, Buck pops the box open digging for the radio and upending the rest of the contents. Chris watches as he lays out each item in front of them taking inventory of the supplies. “Put this on,” He secures the light clip to Chris’s wrist and continues rifling through the supplies as Christopher examines it curiously. “What does it do?” 

“Well at night when it's dark or you’re in the water it helps the rescue boats to see people who need help. Now hopefully with this your dad will spot us.” The chances were slim that it would be Eddie who came across them but he’d brightened at the mention of his father anyway. 

The pack had some first aid supplies, a few granola bars and some tools but it was the radio hiding at the bottom that would be their most valuable. “Buck-Look!” His head turned on a swivel following Christopher’s finger as several shouts reached their position. “HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!” A woman was screaming, barely holding on to the pole that had been Chris’s saving grace before Buck had reached him earlier. 

Buck’s stomach twisted. 

“Chris,” Squatting down so he was eye level with the boy, Buck cupped his face with both of his hands. “I need to go help that woman. Will you stay right here for me?” Chris nodded in confirmation and Buck exhaled a sigh pulling him into his chest tightly. “I love you buddy.” 

“Love you Bucky.” 

One rescue had turned into nearly a dozen, all of which had now taken up residence atop the 136 with Buck and Christopher. Evan had one arm around Chris and the other spinning the dial of the radio to try and pick up a signal. They were in the midst of a game of I Spy. Chris was humming to himself while choosing the next object to describe on his turn. Buck spun the dial slowly trying to find the emergency channels the first responders used. They were different then the regular channels, often reserved solely for natural disasters or nationwide emergencies only. Static and scant chopped up words filtered through but nothing decipherable just yet so Buck let his attention diverge listening in to make his guess. From what it sounded like, Christopher was describing several things that were all the same shade of green.“Seaweed?” He guessed but the boy shook his head no. “Up high!” 

“The palm tree?” He tries again and Christopher squeals with delight. “You’re good at this Bucky.” 

“Thanks kiddo.” Buck presses a kiss to the top of his messy curls and holds him a little tighter, more then relieved to simply be alive right now. “My turn now?” 

“Yeah!” He keeps turning the dial but he scans the water flowing by, eyes pinning down an object. “I spy with my little eye…. Something that...moves people around.” 

“Hmm...oh. A scooter?!” Ruffling his hair Buck nods. “Yeah! Nice one! Okay genius, your turn again.” 

“I spy.. A shopping cart.” 

“Wha-no come on-that's not how the game works!” Buck teases. When he laughs his chest aches and he forces down a wince. “You can’t just yell stuff out.” 

Christopher objects quickly, plopping his head against Buck’s bicep. “But yelling stuff out is the fun part!!” He looked so much like Eddie at that moment. The lady closest to them whimpered and Buck followed her gaze as more people took notice of the bodies that were floating towards them. Buck picked Christopher up, angling him to face him and not the water flowing by. “I spy something-way up high. Up in the sky.” 

He watched over Chris’s shoulder, hand cupping the back of his neck to ensure he didn’t turn around. He didn’t need to see this. Eddie wouldn’t want him to see this and Buck would shield him from it. Protect his innocence while they still could. When he was certain it was passed at least for the moment, Buck settled them back into their original position.

The radio crackled to life finally, the signal far more clear then it had been at all. “- Be advised immediate triage will be moved- VA hospital on Sawtelle.” 

“Mayday 10-20 mayday 10-20! 931 to 118-This is Badge 931 to 118. Captain Nash come in.” 

His heart fluttered inside his chest, anxiety and hope swelling within him. Chris stilled beside him listening and every face he’d rescued was watching him with the same apprehension. This was their shot. 

“Mayday 10-20. This is Badge 931 to 118. Come in.” 

The silence seemed to stretch as they all waited with baited breath. 

“931- this is Captain Rogers of 125. We hear you.” Tears sprung to Buck’s eyes as the rooftop erupted in cheers and tears of relief. Help was coming for them. “Captain, it’s Evan Buckley from 118. Man am I glad to hear your voice.” 

“What’s your position Buckley?” 

“Taking shelter on 136’s rooftop. Have about a dozen civilians here in need of immediate rescue. I’m off duty medical leave. Was on the pier when it went up. Landed somewhere near 42nd street I think.” That was his best guess given most of the street signs had washed away with the wave. “Any injuries?” 

“Negative.” That was one of the first things he’d checked once everyone was safe. Aside from some cuts that he’d bandaged with the wraps in the supply box, no one was badly hurt. “Hey captain, is the 118 on scene?” 

There was another long pause but both he and Christopher perked up at the response. “Affirmative Buckley. We’re trying to reach your captain. Mean time how about we get a boat out to you? We’ll bring you and the civilians inland.” Buck released a breathy laugh. “That sounds like a plan captain. Listen, I need you to tell Captain Nash I have Christopher Diaz with me. His father should be with him, he needs to know.” 

“Copy that kid. We’re heading to you now. You hang in there.” Buck shut his eyes letting out a relieved sigh and pulling Christopher into a hug. “We’re getting out of here Chris. Help’s on the way.” 

“Then we can go see daddy?” Christopher asks full of excitement and Buck nods. “Absolutely.” He only hoped Eddie wouldn’t kill him when they got there. “HELP! HELP!” Several panicked and frantic screams carried over the sound of the flowing water and Buck shakily stood, his legs wobbling with exhaustion. Christopher remained seated though he was holding onto Buck’s pant leg to keep himself steady. 

People were rushing by, scattered throughout the water and frantically scrambling to fight back against the power of the wave trying to sweep them away. There were too many that he lost count and they were coming fast. It seemed as though the water was pushing itself in the opposite direction heading back out towards the ocean only this time it was taking the people with it. 

A fallen palm tree swept through the water slamming into the rig they were on. Small fingers unclenched from his pant leg as Christopher fell backwards into the rushing water. A scream tore from Buck’s throat and he reached forward trying to grab some part of him before he could be lost forever. 

The two of them tumbled into the darkness of the water together, all hope of rescue slipping through their fingers as quickly as the wave worked to carry them away. 

On the roof of the 136, the emergency radio crackled to life. 

“Buck?! Buck can you hear me?” 

Captain Robert Nash’s frantic call was met with silence.


	2. Carry Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for your kind words in response to the first chapter! It brings me immense joy to know you loved it and I hope you continue loving the rest of this story! Here is Chapter 2 dedicated to all of you! - Jupiter Jane

Being lost at sea is not the same as being abandoned or stranded. Those things happen beyond our control. Sometimes we just take a wrong turn too close to the tide and the waters rise and sweep us away. We fight the currents for a way back to dry land and solid ground, and to each other. To normal. And when we catch our breaths we search the shore for all that we lost and everything we loved. For our families, for our dreams, and our futures. Our friends and loved ones, and for the ones who couldn’t swim. Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are, to where we want to be. Where we need to be.

It felt as though time in itself had stood still. The water was cold making him cold in a way that felt like he’d never be warm again, and his lungs burned inside his chest the longer he tried to hold his breath. The panic that had taken hold of him earlier was now the only thing keeping him alive. His eyes stung, open but unseeing. Chemical and filth mixing with the water as he felt around almost blindly, desperate to grab hold of Chris. 

For the first time that day, the odds seemed to turn in their favor. 

Through the haze of filth and grime, a single light stood out calling to him. Illuminating a red flashing glow that drew him forward, Buck said a silent prayer it was the same one he’d taken from the supply box earlier. He tried not to curse the fact that the box and it’s contents, along with any hope of rescue was left behind on the roof of the 136. There was no use regretting what almost was. 

Now was the time to move forward. Buck made a grab for the blinking light, his finger’s wrapping around a tiny wrist that he pulled towards himself yanking them both upwards and above the surface. Christopher let out a small panicked shriek in between coughing up water and Buck enveloped him in his arms holding tight. “It’s me! It’s me Chris! It’s alright I got you!” 

As soon as he realized it was in fact Buck who was holding him, Christopher buried his face into the nape of his neck and held on tight. His giggles and happy demeanor had been stilted by fear and he was quiet now, focused only on holding tight to Buck. It was clear they were no longer near the 136 or even in its vicinity but the rushing water was finally starting to slow and he scanned their surroundings attempting to find a new safe haven. The amount of wreckage and debri wasn’t exactly promising but he’d be damned if he lost hold of Christopher one more time so Buck kept moving using floating objects and anything he could push off of to move them forwards. 

It took several long minutes of struggling and using fallen objects to move them further before he finally found his footing. The water sloshed with every step he took lingering right below his chest. The more he walked it seemed to continue making its descent. “Chris-you okay?” Wow, his voice sounded foreign even to his own ears. Raspy and low, so different from the way he usually spoke. Christopher didn’t answer though he bobbed his head a little against Buck’s shoulder. People were beginning to appear now that they were more inland, survivors searching for their own lost loved ones or looking for any kind of reprieve. He didn’t see any rescue boats though, and he wondered if the people they’d been with on the 136 had been rescued. He wondered if Bobby had been reached, if Eddie knew where they were now. 

So many questions his mind was too exhausted to try and figure out right now. 

“We’re gonna be alright superman.” Buck murmurs softly. Chris was shaking, or maybe it was Buck, but one of them was trembling and while some of it could be contributed to fear the temperature wasn’t helping anyone right now. The sun was beginning to set, light disappearing from the sky far too quickly for his liking and while Los Angeles wasn’t known for its cold weather, when you’ve been doused repeatedly with freezing cold ocean water hypothermia was no joke. Buck inwardly cursed knowing very well he had to get Chris somewhere warm soon. “Does anybody have a phone?! Excuse me-do you have a phone?” 

Most of the people he asked were lost themselves and without any help but he continued forward asking every person he saw for a cellphone. He probably wouldn’t be able to reach Eddie or Bobby. Not if they were working. Certainly not if the Captain of 125 had spoken to them. If that was the case Buck knew Eddie would be out searching for him and Chris. Who else could he call that would be able to help them? 

“Excuse me-do you have a phone by any chance?” His throat protested every time he spoke growing weaker and weaker but he asked the woman anyways and she shook her head sadly as his eyes prickled with tears. He wasn’t gonna trouble himself trying to figure out if the tears were from pain, exhaustion, or defeat. “-para tu hijo.” The woman pulled something red from a bag on her arm and Buck blinked slowly trying to understand what she meant as she unfurled it. “W-wh-what?” He stuttered confusedly. Oh… a blanket. Wow maybe things were starting to go their way. “For your son.” She translated and he shifted on his feet using his left hand to wrap it around Christopher’s shoulders until he was tucked against Buck like a burrito. 

“Thanks...thank you.” He offered sincerely and she only nodded with a smile as he began to walk again. “Good luck.” The woman called after him. They were certainly going to need it. 

It felt as though they’d been walking for hours, trudging through sludge and wreckage. He carried Christopher even though his arms ached and all he wished to do was rest. The image of his panicked face as he fell backwards off the truck would be permanently imprinted in Buck’s mind for the rest of his life. He got lucky-this he knows- to find Chris again so quickly after they’d fallen. Imagining losing him, never seeing his smiling face again, watching Eddie’s face crumble as he’s forced to tell his best friend he’d lost his son. The thought of it made Buck feel violently ill and the only thing that kept him from keeling over to be sick was Christopher safe in his arms. 

He asked every person they came across for a cellphone. The consensus was no, most people around them did not have a phone. Most of them were seeking one and a few people even returned his question by asking if he had one himself. They passed stores being looted, people fighting and others frantically searching and calling out for their lost loved ones. Buck did his best to steer clear of the thieves and any sort of violence. When they couldn’t, he held Chris tight and stayed silent walking past the worst of it without looking anywhere but forward. 

“Do you have a phone sir?” A surfer looking dude who’d just freed a young girl from under some brush shook his long hair catching buck with spray droplets of water to which he apologized quickly. “Nah dude-sorry. Hey you could probably get one down at that cupcakery place.” 

“The what?” 

“Cupcakery like a cupcake bakery? It’s three blocks that way. They got water and shit. I’m sure someone there could help you.” Three blocks. He could do three more blocks. “Th-thanks-thanks man.”

Buck had always considered himself an athlete. The job he did he preferred to stay in shape as much as he could. Three blocks was nothing to him on any other day. He could run that in his sleep. Right now, right now it felt like three miles of walking until they reached the makeshift water station. A young guy with a clipboard immediately herded him into a chair and he collapsed into it grateful for the momentary respite. “You’re bleeding pretty good there sir, you wanna tell me your name? We’ll get you patched up-”

“Wha-no no I-I need a phone-do you have a phone? Can I use it?” Christopher stayed quiet, clutching onto his shirt even as another volunteer tried speaking with them. “Absolutely man-here. Use mine. How about you let me bandage you up while you make your call?” 

Vaguely Buck realized the guy was speaking to him like one would a scared animal. He subconsciously ran his fingers through Chris’s curls rocking him soothingly while the guy went to grab his cell. “Here ya go.” 

Shakily, he dialed the only other person who could help them right now. It rang three times as he waited with baited breath before she answered. “Hello?”

“Hey-it’s me.” 

“Buck? Where are you? I don’t recognize this number.” Christopher’s head tilts up squinting at him. They’d lost his glasses when he’d fallen from the truck earlier but Buck knows he is listening. Probably wondering if it’s Eddie on the other line. “I borrowed someone else’s phone. Maddie I need your help.” 

And just like his big sister, her steady voice answers immediately ready to help him. “Okay. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt?” 

So he tells her. His throat is raw and tears well in his eyes but he speaks anyway, explaining how just this morning Eddie had dropped Chris off. A kind gesture meant to help him. “Maddie I brought him to the pier.” He admits in a strangled voice. “Oh my god! You were there?”

“I had him. We were safe-I-I had a rescue boat coming and-he fell and I jumped and Mads I got him back but now I don’t know where we are and I can’t reach Eddie or Bobby-”

“Evan! You are not answering me. Are you injured? Bleeding?!” 

He wants to shout in frustration but he holds back knowing he shouldn’t take out his fear and exhaustion on his sister. She was only trying to help him. “It doesn’t matter Maddie listen to me-I have to find Eddie I gotta get Chris back to him-” 

“Buck you are in no conditio--go looking for--Command--triag--Sawtelle-” The line went dead with an abrupt cut off and the screen flashed no service in a flashing red alert. His trembling hands gave the phone back to the volunteer who’d just finished wrapping up Buck’s forearm. “That should keep you for now but you’re bleeding pretty heavily.” 

“Do you know which way is Sawtelle?” 

Buck wasn’t entirely sure how he was still standing, let alone getting his feet to move forward. Briefly he recalls when the fire truck had landed on his leg. In the hospital after, he’d sworn to give up just about anything so he could walk again. For the injury to be anywhere else on his body but his leg. Now they feel as though they’ll give out any second, he’s so damn tired.

But Christopher’s hands are wound tight around his neck, face buried in Buck’s wet t-shirt and all he can do is keep going. For Christopher he’d move the whole world to keep him safe even if it cost him his own life to do it. That little boy meant everything to him. This tsunami only served to reaffirm that in his mind and now the only other thing he was certain of was they needed to get to Eddie. 

Everything would be okay once they got to Eddie. 

Chris is mumbling quietly, a mantra that Buck himself had been spouting since he’d snagged him out of the water and hoisted him onto the firetruck right after the wave had hit. “Don’t let go...don’t let go…” Buck pauses in step and hoists him a little higher in his arms so he’ll feel more secure. 

He wonders if it’s Christopher reminding himself not to let go of him or the other way around. They’d made it this far he wasn’t letting go of him now. If he had the energy he’d certainly ask or try to distract him, but they need to keep moving and he’s long past the point of conversation. So he continues forward trudging through the mud and praying he doesn’t slip. Over here the water was pretty much gone, just soft soil where it had washed through earlier in the day. They were getting closer, and he held onto that promise. Soon they’d be done. They would reach safety and most importantly, Eddie. 

When the first lights come into view, he wonders for a second if it’s a hallucination. Dehydration and exhaustion messing with his mind. But as he stumbles closer his limbs weighing him down more and more each step he takes, Buck’s certain they’re real. 

They’ve made it. 

People are milling about, tents propped up outside overflowing with triage victims and volunteers and staff tending to them. He searches every one of them, looking specifically at the ones in uniform. It took him all of five seconds to find who he was looking for. “Chris-Chris can you-Can you call for your dad? Call to him.” 

“Dad! DADDY! DADDY!” One of the things he loves most about this kid is the trust he has in Buck. Christopher doesn’t have his glasses and can’t even see without squinting but the moment he asks, Christopher starts to yell as loud as he can. “DAD! DADDY!” 

Eddie’s head snaps sideways and Buck can see him searching, trying to pinpoint where they were. His feet are slowing and it’s almost as though he’s dragging boulders trying to lift up his legs. “Keep going Chris.” He encourages softly. 

“Dad! Dad!” 

Finally, Eddie spots them. Emerging into the fluorescent light beams emanating from the camp, Buck squints under the brightness and hold’s Chris closer, swaying on his feet. “Christopher?!” 

Behind him, Buck catches a glimpse of Bobby and the realization of what Eddie was running towards crossing his face before following behind him. Buck’s knees give out with a final wobble and his bad leg wilts under the force of the collapse as it takes the brunt of the fall. 

“Oh my god-Chris-oh god Buck-oh my god.” Those seem to be the only words Eddie can manage from his vocabulary as he takes his son into his arms, one hand gripping Buck’s shoulder and cradling Chris in between them. His grip is tight, almost painfully so against his aching body but it’s Eddie and he’s here and Buck will never complain about that. 

“It’s daddy Buck-we made it. You did it Bucky!” He wants to cry at Christopher’s proud declaration. He’d been so quiet after they fell from the truck Buck hadn’t been able to shield him from that terror and that fear. 

“Eds-Eddie m’sorry. M’sorry Eddie..” 

The lights are growing blurry and Eddie’s lips are moving but it’s all so fuzzy and Buck is too tired to care. They made it. They’re alive. His head falls forward tiredly against Eddie’s shoulder and he closes his eyes. 

Eddie’s here.

They’re alive.

Christopher is alive. 

Now, he can rest.


	3. All This Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all SO AMAZING! I am overwhelmed by the response to this story so far and I can't thank you enough for reading and supporting it as you have been doing! Thank you! I am both excited and sad to admit that the final chapter is nearly finished which means we are approaching our end. I hope you'll stick with me and see it through to the finish, I am infinitely grateful you have joined me on this ride so far and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on these last few chapters! Here is number three! Hope you enjoy! - Jupiter Jane <3

Imperfections and faults are what build us. They are the foundations of who we are. The most beautiful aspects of human nature are the ability to make mistakes and move on from them. That’s what is great about family. The people who love us choose to forgive our mistakes. And in return our love for them helps us to learn from our errors. They inspire us to learn and decide to do better. To devote ourselves to be better people. The premise for change is love. Love for ourselves, and love for our family. 

There is darkness. 

An abyss of blackness seeping over his skin, threatening to swallow him whole. His limbs are flailing, searching for something he can’t remember. A piece of his heart, of his very soul lost to him in the sea of black. He is helpless to do anything to stop it. 

“Evan! Open your eyes Evan!” Someone is holding him down and the very idea of it makes him panic. There’s a pain, an awful debilitating kind of pain flowing through his body that makes him want to scream and instead he shoots up in the bed like a startled animal, his eyes wide and panicked as it all comes back to him. 

“Christopher! CHRISTOPHER!” The fire in his throat is akin to what he imagines kindling igniting inside him would feel like. People are surrounding him, too many people talking and shouting and doing god knows what but none of them are what he’s looking for. What he needs to find. “CHRIS! CHRISTOPHER!” 

Thin feminine hands grasp his wrist as he moves to yank the IV from his arm and belatedly he realizes who it is right before he yanks himself free of her grip. “Buck-I’m here. You’re okay. Christopher is okay. Don’t pull this out alright? I don’t want them to sedate you.” She speaks calmly but firm, it’s her nurse voice he realizes and he stops resisting only giving her the most pleading look he can fathom as he croaks out the name much softer than before. “Christopher?” 

“You have to calm down first. He’s here okay? I’ll get him but you need to calm down. You don’t wanna scare him right?” She’s looking over her shoulder towards the door, towards something he can’t see and Buck forces himself to stay very still. Because she’s right and he definitely doesn’t want to scare him but he needs to see for himself that he’s safe. That he didn’t actually lose him. Slowly the nurses move around him, orbiting in a practiced formation. They reconnect what he’d detached in his flailing, one of the doctors taking his pulse and listening to his heart. He doesn’t mean to glare, but they’re taking forever and he’s losing his restraint to remain in the bed and not run outside to find the boy himself. Maddie -who knows him sometimes better than he knows himself- gives him a warning look as if she already knows what plan he’s formulating, but asks the doctor to speed it along anyway. 

Reluctantly the doctor gives up and tells her she’ll be back later for a more thorough exam. The door opens almost immediately after she moves to the exit. 

Christopher is sleeping, head pillowed on Eddie’s shoulder, arms and legs loosely dangling around his father and Buck’s overwhelmed with relief at the sight of it that he does nothing to stop the tears leaking down his cheeks. Maddie squeezes his hand, a silent show of both comfort and strength. Eddie’s expression however, is what worries him immediately. Hesitance? Doubt? Relief? Buck didn’t even know where to begin apologizing to him. To mend what trust he hopes he didn’t break completely today. Instead, he pushes away all of that fear and guilt and extends his arms in a silent request. 

Carefully, Eddie eases Chris onto the bed. One of the nurses begins to object but Maddie steps in swiftly speaking in hushed but firm tones and he’s so damn grateful for his big sister. “Bucky...no-no letting me go kay?”” Chris slurs sleepily, head lulling against Buck’s left side and tiny arm wrapping around his torso. Buck settles then, arm around his shoulders hand cradling his head to rest against his side. He presses a kiss to the top of his curls and releases a soft sigh. “M’here Chris. I didn’t let go. S’okay now bud. We’re okay.”

A sense of calmness settles over the room after that. 

The nurses file out and Maddie kisses him on the head promising she’d be right outside if he needed anything. He thanks her softly and waits until the door shuts behind her before he dares to look at Eddie. “You….” Eddie pulls up a chair beside the gurney and sits with a huff. Buck braces himself for the worst. Instinctively, his arms tighten around a sleeping Christopher. The irrational part of him waiting for Eddie to take him away. To yell at him and swear and vow never to let Buck see Chris again. 

But he doesn’t, because this is Eddie. Forgiving and compassionate Eddie who’d brought Chris over in the first place because he could see Buck struggling. Eddie, who goes out of his way to help him when he can’t admit he needs help to begin with. It’s why he loves him so much. Buck could only hope to one day be half the man that his best friend already is. Hope to be someone worthy of Eddie if he could gather up the courage to admit how he feels. 

“You scared the hell out of me Evan.” The silence hangs in the air between them for a beat, brown eyes locked on blue staring deep enough to see into his very soul. Finally, in a raspy broken voice he asks, “Can you ever forgive me?” 

Eddie’s face scrunches up in some ounce of confusion and Buck looks down at Chris guiltily. “I lost him Eddie.” He could still hear Chris’s panicked cry when he’d fallen from the truck. A sound that would haunt him. 

“Buck you didn’t lose him. You saved him. He’s right here because you rescued him.” Eddie’s too far away and as though he senses it, he stands and shifts over to sit by Chris’s feet on the gurney laying a hand on Buck’s knee. The contact in itself sends a flood of warmth through his veins. “I took him to the pier. I put him in danger-I-I was supposed to look out for him.” 

“And what? You think you failed? I fail that kid more times than I can count and I’m his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too.” All the desperation and the panic he’d felt earlier, Buck’s not sure how Eddie’s survived this long if this is what having a kid feels like. A little piece of your heart walking around outside your body. This perfect little human you’d do anything for. He’s right of course, it was why he hadn’t hesitated to jump off that truck the second Chris fell into the water. It was why every time his body tried to give up he fought against it and kept moving. He loved that little boy more than he loved himself. It was as simple and as complicated as that.

“Buck,” Eddie called softly, drawing him out of his thoughts with worried eyes. “You brought him back to me. He doesn’t have anything more than a few bruises because you protected him. You brought him home. You nearly died doing it Evan!” He freezes, shooting Eddie a confused and startled look. “What-what do you mean?” 

“I mean the second I got to you, you started apologizing and once I had Chris you passed out in my arms. Bobby grabbed you, had to give you CPR because your heart stopped.” Eddie rubs a hand over his face exhaling loudly. “You don’t remember any of this?” 

“I…” Did he remember? His head hurt and it was all a bit fuzzy but he remembers walking. Walking for miles and miles until his feet were dead. He remembers carrying Christopher the whole way. He remembers being so relieved to finally see Eddie at the camp…. “I just-I had to get him back to you.” 

Eddie’s face contorts almost as though he’s biting back his own tears and he reaches forward gently clapping Buck on his cheek. Drawing him closer until their foreheads are pressed together and damn that heart monitor for giving him away as his heart starts wildly racing. Thankfully, Eddie’s kind enough to pretend he doesn’t notice. 

“There are a lot of things we need to talk about and sort through Buck, but please know this,” He pauses, fingers snaking down his cheek to grasp firmly at his shoulder as if making his point. Grounding him with his touch and his words in that way only Eddie could do. “There is no one in this world I trust more with my son than you.” 

He’s dreaming.

Buck's certain he’s dreaming. 

Did he die after all? 

Is this heaven?

“Knock knock!” Buck startled, arm tightening around Chris and Eddie only smiled fondly, a silent promise to finish this discussion privately as he retreated back to the chair beside the bed. 

Maddie hushed Chimney pointing to a sleeping Christopher and Hen who’s followed them in, promptly smacked him on the back of his head. “OW!” He shrieks dramatically. 

“CHIM!” Maddie whisper yelled and Eddie rolled his eyes. Now that Christopher was tucked against Buck’s side he was out like a light and Eddie knew it would be hard to wake him. “How you feelin Buck?” Bobby asked, the last to enter and bring up the tail end of his visitors. “Like I swallowed a box of matches.” 

“Doctor says he’ll be here another day. She’s writing a prescription for meds to stave off infection from the cut and whatever water or other things he may have ingested. Aside from the exhaustion and trauma, it’s the blood loss and cardiac response which warrants observation.” Buck was so relieved to be with his family he didn’t even care that Maddie rattled off everything she’d learned. Most of this was his first time hearing it as well and this was his family. “You could observe me..” He acknowledged with a hopeful but tired grin and his sister rolled her eyes. “Observation in a hospital Buck.” 

“You’re a nurse!” He exclaimed softly, his voice was raspy and dull. “I’ll be right back.” Eddie suddenly says, standing and kissing the top of Chris’s head before excusing himself from the room. 

Everyone watches him go with varied levels of confusion except for Bobby. 

Then again Bobby always seemed to know everything without having to be told. He was like the Yoda of the 118 only taller. 

“You’re gonna make me go gray kid.” Bobby begins, falling into Eddie’s seat beside the hospital bed. Buck gives him a small smile. Things had been a little rocky since he’d up and quit following Bobby’s reveal that he wasn’t returning to full duty after the party. He’d meant to apologize —he really had— but things had gone to hell for all of them once again. “When I got that call Buck..” Bobby pauses shaking his head slowly. Then he addresses the room using his captain voice as he says, “New rule, only one near death experience a year is allowed understood?” 

The rest of the team murmured their agreement. Buck, however looked to Bobby with a relieved sigh. “We were so close to being rescued, Captain Rodgers was talking to me on the radio and the boats were coming.... He promised he’d try to reach you. Then Chris fell and…” he trailed off not wanting to continue and everyone stayed quiet as the room took on a far more somber feel. 

“He did reach me. And I’m really glad you're safe kid..” Bobby finally admits and it’s the unspoken words that bring him peace. They were okay. Something as small as an argument and his harsh response hadn’t ruined their relationship. Bobby had only done his job relaying the info. It wasn’t his fault and he certainly hadn’t deserved the brunt of Buck’s anger. “Thanks Cap.” 

Eddie returns with the doctor in tow and Buck gives him a questioning look. Without comment, she grabs his chart and scans it over. Everyone is silent watching and alternating between waiting for her to speak and staring at Eddie in curious confusion. Finally, she clears her throat and places the chart back where it was. Using a small light, she instructs him to open his mouth so she can look down his throat and then does the same shining it into both of his eyes. “How are you feeling? Any pain?” 

Complicated question with a loaded answer. “I’ve had worse.” He responds with a soft shrug and Maddie rolls her eyes literally face palming and making him smile. Yeah, he hurt. His muscles and his bones ached and his throat was so damn sore, but he was alive. Christopher was alive and safe, and they were surrounded by family. Their presence soothed the pain like a balm designed to treat his wounds and he relished in it, soaking every ounce of it up. 

“Well Mr. Buckley, I understand you’re ready to go home.While I must advise against that I’ve been assured you’ll be well looked after by a well trained medical professional and I’m not seeing anything of immediate concern. A nurse will bring you the discharge papers and go over the prescriptions. If any issues should arise do come back first thing.” 

Buck can only stutter his thanks. 

“You’re coming home with us. Or we’re going to yours. Whichever is more comfortable for you.” Eddie declares and he hears Chimney and Hen snickering and Bobby moves toward the door ushering the two out like a parent would herd their unruly children. Buck is too tired to argue, not that he wanted to in the slightest. “We’ll check in later Buck, get some rest.” 

Maddie hangs back watching Eddie with an unnerved frown.“Ev, are you sure you should leave?” 

“I wanna go home Maddie. I need to shower and Chris should be in his own bed. I’ll be fine, I promise.” It was the truth. The best thing for him was to get home and rest and he’d happily do so at the Diaz house. It was practically his second home and the best thing for Christopher was to get him safe into his own bed. He’d tough it on the couch, far too happy and too relieved to still be in Eddie’s good graces at the moment to protest or consider any other option. 

His sister seems to contemplate arguing again before deciding against it and taking her leave. “Call me if you need anything at all or have any questions, and do not forget to change the dressing on that arm.” 

“I love you too. Now go,” He urges with a tired smile.

Eddie, once she’s gone looks at him with a gentle smile. 

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
